Mindfulness · self love · Self-help · Uncategorized

Why all the trash talking?

I know how everyone is always like ,”Never be embarrassed of who you were before” or “Always be proud of who you were and who you are.” Don’t get me wrong, I am super proud of who I was, that girl 4 years ago dealt with a lot of nonsense and still got through it. What I’m not proud of is the mentality I had. The mentality we all had.

No, but you remember how we were as kids, where we thought it was completely okay to make fun of the way someone looked or talked or behaved? Like God Forbid if someone be a little different than us, and she/he was the laughing stock of the planet. For no fault of their own, they were made fun of, ridiculed, shamed and bullied. Its so ironic that I often did partake in such events when I was myself a victim of the occasional shaming and ridicule.

It upsets me so much at this point that I was that person. That I thought that it was social convention to make fun of people in order to be cool. Why did I want to be cool? I’m still nowhere close to cool and I’m completely okay with who I am now. Don’t even for a second pretend like you never did that in your life, cause let’s be honest, you did, and you still probably do, knowingly or unknowingly.

Let me tell you a quick story. So back when I was like in 13 or 14 a.k.a a hormonal mess, we had a boy in class who was slightly different. He didn’t talk like us, he said really random things and wasn’t what we would call ‘cool’ at that point. And everyone had an opinion about him. Some called him a creep, some called him retarded (Yes, those are the exact words) and many derogatory things like that. Like first things first, retarded should never be used as an insult, but again we were kids and no one told us any better. So you know what I did? I went with the flow and said the same things about this guy. Did I ever have a conversation with him? No. Did I genuinely feel like he was a ‘creep’? No idea, cause I never talked to him. ( Coolness level infinity cause I’m so bloody insensitive.) And I’m sure he could be the nicest, sweetest person in the class, but no, 14-year-old me was a complete pushover who was easily convinced and influenced by other peoples’ opinions without checking any of the facts.

How unfair is it, that that guy , who was the way he was, was being treated like that? To walk around normally, doing your thing, and having people laugh at you because you don’t fit their definition of ‘normal’? How incredibly unfair. Of course there were people who hung out with him and genuinely appreciated him, but that doesn’t dull the fact that majority of us treated him like dirt.

I genuinely don’t understand our collective need to say something about anyone that isn’t in a neutral or a positive light. Unless someone literally drives you up the wall, why do you want to sit and mutter and mumble about them and pout and complain like a little child?

What really riles me up is how easily people make fun of someone’s appearance. I know so many 20-year-olds that go like “Oh look, he has such an ugly face.” or “You look fat, you should probably go to the gym.” or “Why is your nose like that?”

Seriously? “Why is your nose like that?” It’s such a shame that you spent 20 years of your life being an absolute mess in the head. How could you possibly make fun of someone, for looking the way they look? God Forbid, they walk about with a nose they were born with. I’m sure they’ll get surgery done just for your convenience cause, of course, your opinion is what the world revolves around.

Man, it must be so fun to have such narrow-minded thinking. So much fun.

Unless you know someone inside out, who in this world gave you the right to say things about them? Why do you want to call that guy an asshole? Did he sleep with your girlfriend? No? Is he constantly rude to you 24/7? Not that either? Oh, you just don’t like him? That’s it? You don’t like him, hence, he’s an asshole? Boy, you must be great at Math.

Here’s a fun tip: Instead of going all your way out and calling him an asshole, why can’t you say something like “I don’t vibe well with him.”. See how neutral that sounds, without you going all Eminem on him, all like: “Fuckin’ punk pussy little bitch!/I’ll fuck you up boy!/I’ll choke the shit outchu little muthafuckin bitch!”. Honey, chill, everyone knows you can’t rap for shit. Sorry, was I supposed to put an explicit warning there? Well, oops.

So the next time you go sit and gossip with your girls (or boys), just think: “Do I need to say this? Is it absolutely necessary for crap to come out of more than one hole of my body?”. If the answer is yes, then congratulations on reading a write up about doing the opposite, and then not doing it.

Cause, let me tell you, there is a big difference between saying something to someone because their actions are genuinely causing harm or discomfort to people around them and saying something to someone because their mere presence makes you uncomfortable, which is not their fault in the first place.

There is a difference between “Hey, could you not be so loud, we’re in a movie theatre.” (because the social situation dictates you to say so) and “Stop talking, your voice is so annoying.”(because you’re a tool). Instead of saying the latter, you could say -“I have a headache, I would appreciate if you talked softly.” Here, you are not degrading the person, and you’re also solving the problem. Double whammy!

I’m not going to pretend like I’m always on point about all this, and I’m always nice to people and never say anything to hurt anyone’s feelings. Hell no, there are days where I do cross the line myself. But I also make it a point to mentally correct myself and be like “Arya, stop, what the hell, why did you say that?” and try not to say the same thing the next time.

I know you’ll be all like- “Who are you, Gandhi? Talking about all this like you know shit.” Trust me, the last 6 months have been the most positive 6 months of my life because I deliberately tried to talk less shit, I consciously decided to be nicer and for New Year’s, I made the desicion of not bitching about people and it’s working great so far. If it doesn’t I’ll definitely update you, and we can bitch together, okay? Promise.

 

 

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